When I first met John, in Bristol, in 2000, I sat in the very last row, in the center. As soon as John sat down he gazed at me and immediately my heart was in his lap. The whole day in Bristol he didn’t speak at all. And in the thundering silence I knew this man was being what I had yearned for all my life.
A few weeks later I came the first time to Edmonton. That time I didn’t dare to go to the chair. I stayed in the youth hostel and on the third night I woke up in the middle of the night, sat up straight, and at the foot of the bed, there was John!
And he asked me, “Do you think I forgot you?” I could only nod yes, that was my hidden fear. And John said “How can I ever forget you when I’m the same as you really are”. From then on he appeared every night, answering all my hidden questions. I ate little, slept not much, went out every morning before dawn and all the trees with frozen leaves were glowing!
Back in Germany, John appeared irregularly, but with impeccable timing, including our wedding ceremony, my son’s birth, my father’s funeral and many others, each time giving me brief transmissions of knowing. Sometimes also in the middle of the day.
After two or three years he told me, “I don’t appear any more to you, because you can find me”. I had no idea how. After a while I tried very hard: then there was John, saying, “You don’t need me”.
Often when I sat in the meetings John was luminescent golden; sometimes endlessly patterned, John floating on the spot… With the years this luminescence widened almost to the whole meeting hall “Reality is golden and what we think gold is, isn’t.” is one of my favorite of John’s sentences (the most awesome door to Reality). After John initially points to where to find the gold (in every pattern) it is completely in your accountability then to believe that knowing, follow it, apply it.
Some gold is found in open pit mining, some only in the deep underground…
First you adore what you’ve seen in John and later you become what you adore….Who isn’t touched by the shine of the subtle gold, will not take the opportunity and sometimes unpleasant task to dig through the dirt of the unconscious—until you realize that digging was unnecessary because the surface is the deep…But only after you have excavated the gold, you’ll realize that its light is everywhere: so no worries.
The river is within and without; it’s then only one-way. And to realize that the sea is within you makes you very calm. The torments of life are then an adventure in which the water remains still because it doesn’t identify with the waves any more.
John is the most particular, kind and benevolent golden warrior I have met so far….and he has showed us unceasingly that THIS is it….and if you become what your first love is, then truth is a pathless land—whatever you touch is real….